where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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