i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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