I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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