So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
