Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
