i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
