Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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