At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
