shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
