Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
