I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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