Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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