She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Someone shit on the floor
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize