i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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