I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
