was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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