Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
