he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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