You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
