I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
