It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
