His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
