i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize