i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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