I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
