Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
