So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
