My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
