yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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