Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
