i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
