who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
