what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
