youre lurking in front of me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
