Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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