No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dicks are not precious.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
