I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize