Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
