Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
