He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
where am i from again
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
