Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
