SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
