3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
