i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize