He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My vagina is officially offended.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
