you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
