My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
