Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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