She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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