i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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