i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
