She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just want nice things and good sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
