I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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