I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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