she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
