i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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