I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
