Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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