if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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