Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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