NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
