This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
