it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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