It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
