So drunk its hurt
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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