Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
