so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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