someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize