its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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