i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
