I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
