your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
