Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
