You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
