Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
