My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
