What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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