did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
