Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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