Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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