I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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