Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
