she was so not down for the gang bang
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
