I'm lost and stupid without you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
