You smell like stripper and shame
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
