Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
