too bad you live with your parents still
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
