I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
