Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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