these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
