"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
