Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
