It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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