is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
